“Pornography is the attempt to insult sex…”
“Porn kills purity.”
“Porn is demeaning”
“It’s wrong, disgusting, and immoral.”
“Watching porn is a sin.”
“Porn trains men and women to be consumers, not lovers….”
“Porn cultivates a single standard of beauty that no real person can live up to.”
“Everyone who does porn is cheap and easy.”
I’ve heard it all before. Either on the internet or in passing, the idea of porn is that it’s wrong. And even more, if you do watch it, it’s something that should make you feel ashamed, something to keep hidden from everyone you know. That announcing to the world that you watch porn means opening yourself up to even more criticism and judgment.
This is something I deal with more than I’d like. Except it’s not just that I like porn, that I watch it and subscribe to Cockyboys. I am completely immersed in the world of porn. Not by choice, but by accident. Finding Cockyboys, finding Levi, was all by chance, one little picture that lead to where my life is now. It was never my goal to befriend a porn star, to work closely with him to promote him, to talk with Cockyboys directors and staff about promotion, releases and more. It is, however, something I wouldn’t change for anything.
I’ve had hate thrown my way. The fake twitter accounts that call me disgusting. That tell me how wrong it is that I watch porn, that I talk to gay porn stars, that I am friends with porn stars. The ones who’s words poke at my already insecurities and doubts. I understand how people can be curious about why I watch it. But to just hate me automatically just because I do enjoy it? That, I don’t understand.
There are very few people in my real life who know what Levi really does. They know he’s my friend, that he lives in New York, and that he’s a model. It’s the simple explanation, the one that isn’t followed by multiple questions and that look of judgment. This week I flirted with the idea of telling my mom. I didn’t, it wasn’t worth the strain on our relationship that I’m afraid it might cause, but I did realize something.
I am PROUD to be a porn mom. I am PROUD of what Levi’s accomplished. I have watched him go from a college kid with an idea to a young man who’s in the top of his field, growing every day, and creating things that most people would never consider porn. He went from a porn actor, to a porn star, to a porn director. His film is being shown at a film Festival in Germany, shown as it should be to more than just the internet.
It’s more than just Levi thought. Yes, he’s a huge part of what I’ve gotten from finding Cockyboys, but I’ve gotten so much more. I have strengthened relationships with people I met years ago online, I have met some of the most amazing, caring and genuine people. I have gotten to travel to Chicago to have one of the best weekend of my life. I got to attend Columbus pride where it was ok,even celebrated, that I was bi-sexual. I had conversations with amazing men and women who inspire me. Without Cockyboys I would have never gotten that opportunity.
And now, as I plan my next adventure to New York City in December all I can think is how thankful I have porn in my life. The pages and pages that have lists of why porn is wrong can never compare with my reason why it’s right.
Finding Cockyboys, finding Levi, gave me my life back.