The pieces of my heart live all over the world. The biggest pieces live within Corbin, Levi and My sissy Jess. When I have two of them in the same place with me I am so much happier, so much more alive, so much more me. If I ever get all three of them together, well it will be total bliss.
The happiness and contentment that I felt in Chicago was amazing, and left me with such a low and depressed state that it took me almost 2 weeks to recover. The only thing that pulled me out that quickly was the idea of seeing Levi and Sissy at Columbus Pride.
I almost didn’t make it to Pride. An admission to the hospital the weekend before made it really iffy. The doctors said yes, so I was set to go, I thought. I encountered many hassles with attempting to rent a car and an almost total break down at the car rental place. I convinced my husband to let me have the car for the weekend and his brother agreed to drive him where he needed to go. So I hit the road, the five hour drive, by myself to Columbus, OH. It was good to be on the road alone. Thinking without the noise of my everyday life. It was healing in a way, just me, my music and the road. (Minus the construction of course!) This was until I almost got to Columbus. Friday night rush hour, I sat through so much traffic that I was an anxiety stressed mess! I was 5 minutes from the hotel when Sissy tells me she was leaving, and would be another 2 hours!!
I sat in my car for 2 hours. Too stressed to drive down to pride to see Levi. I talked to DJ & Jess for a minute. Watched the “Canadians” and listened to music. When Sissy finally got there it was a whirlwind of checking in, changing and heading to Axis.
After a quick stop for some much needed muscle milk for Levi we were in Axis looking for “a white tent” (There were 4 of them!) to find Levi. It was taking forever and I just wanted to hug my Pon! We finally made it to him, got lots of hugs, a huge hug from Landmonster, and then it was to the stage to watch the Andrew Christian show! Levi, Landmonster and Greg all looked amazing! I got a little light headed, stepped away from the crowds and Sissy took amazing pics for me!
After the show I stopped a surprised Greg to get an amazing hug and a quick picture. We’d lost both Levi and Landmonster by that time so we made our way into the club to cool off a little in the front area. Levi ran by us a few times, we met Connor Kline, and talked to some very drunk smiley people. So far Pride was a lot of fun! We wandered outside when Levi told us Landmonster was looking for us. (I found out later that Levi was trying to get Landmonster from us. He doesn’t share well. It’s ok, neither do I!) We talked to Landmonster for a moment before he was pulled away by some people who knew him. The outside bar was closed, so we headed inside for shots, encountering a drunk Chi Chi LaRue! (Once again, missed my chance for a pic with her!) Inside we were surprised to find Slade, Liam, Evan and Deniz! We got hugs and pictures before moving to the patio. At some point we met up with Miss Martine as well and it was great seeing her again!
The best part of being at Axis Friday night was watching Levi interact with everyone. Both with people he knew, and with strangers. He moved through the crowd with a bounce and smile. I love being around him, but I especially love watching him interact with people. There is just something about it that makes me feel proud and puts a huge smile on my face.
That night was no where near dull! The show and meeting friends were entertaining, but we also had random people make out with us, I think me, Sissy and Miss Martine all got felt up. Some guy tried to hit on Sissy, then on both of us. We made a new friends just because he thought my pig tails were cute! Sissy and I both made out with Levi because he wasn’t gonna miss out on being part of our action that night! We stayed until the cops kicked us out, hanging out on the sidewalk with all the boys for almost another hour until Levi was put in a car to head to home. Sissy and I stopped at Steak N Shake for a quick early morning dinner before passing out in our bed!
Saturday came a lot sooner than Sissy wanted. I was up before I expected. We got ready, made our way to the parade with Sissy’s mom and niece. We stayed for about half the parade before going on search for food and then into Pride! After a little confusion we found Levi, Miss Martine and Jess! We got pictures with them, with Levi and the drag queens and hung out at the Axis booth for a bit. Then it was off to find Landmonster and the Equality tent!
Talking with Landmonster was great, we got more pics, I finally got my Equality necklace and we got our pictures taken with some of their amazing watches! Talking with Landmonster was great! I wish we had hours to spend with him. We didn’t have the time so we went back to the hotel, with sunburns, for naps before Saturday night at Axis.
Before going back to Axis we arranged to meet up with Nic who was stopping by for a bit on her way home. It was great getting to meet her! We hung out with Miss Martine as well and Levi floated about. We got to see Adrian for a short time, I met Levi’s ex, and a few other people who he knew. I lost count the number of times I explained what a porn mom was that weekend. It’s such a natural thing for Levi he forgets sometimes not everyone knows what that is! As it was getting close to time to go I was holding onto Levi as we moved through the club, we went across to The Union, which was also closing, and I tried to get him to stand still for a few minutes so I could find Sissy and Miss Martine who I’d lost at closing. Finally we found them again and after a quick bite Levi and Miss Martine were off to the after party. I wish I could have gone, but I knew there was no way I’d be able to drive home the next day if I didn’t sleep some. I got and gave lots of hugs and kisses to Levi, a quick hug to Miss Martine and then we were headed to another stop at Steak n Shake for early am dinner before we passed out in bed again.
I woke up feeling ok, a little sad, but not as bad as I expected. We woke up as late as we could, got packed up and then I had to say goodbye to Sissy. That familiar emptiness was starting to churn inside of me. I got in the car, put on some music, and made it 7 minutes from the hotel before I was pulling over and sobbing. I called DJ and barely got out “How do you do this?” before I really lost it. We talked for almost 30 minutes about our boys, about my weekend and about dealing with leaving Levi again.
It’s hard for me to have to leave two pieces of my heart at the same time. The depression wasn’t quite as bad this time, but it was still there. The longing to be going to NYC to Pride there was so strong, but it wasn’t possible. Next year? Maybe
This was my first Pride. It was an amazing experience. The love for everyone, no one assuming anything, the openness to be me was there the whole weekend. I wish I could feel that every day. I am very open about being bisexual online, but in my real life very few people know. My mom asked me why I was going to Pride. I told her because I wanted to, not the many other reason I could have mentioned. The night I got home I laid in bed with my son and we talked about how Pride was about celebrating families. He was mad he didn’t get to go. Next year, maybe I can show him that world too.