Life happens when you are not expecting it. When you are looking the other way it totally blindsides you. For me, most of the time, it’s just one more thing for me to worry about, another stressor that I don’t need.
A year ago, I was blindsided by something amazing.
I still remember the night one of my best friends showed me Jake Bass. He is the gateway drug into Cockyboys. It was an instant obsession. Until Episode 2 of Roadstrip was released. Somewhere in the promoting of the release Jake Jaxson tweeted this picture…
It is such an in intimate moment, but that is also when my focus, my extreme fangirling turned toward Levi. I didn’t stop fangirling Jake, it was just that Levi is adorable and sexy all wrapped up in one perfect pocket-sized package! While everyone else was focused on Jake, I was focused on this new guy I’d not heard of yet!
On April 24th I got my first reply from Levi on twitter. Yep, as any good fan girl does, I have a screen cap.
This tweet marks, to me, the start of an amazing relationship. It was the date I started to adopt Levi into my heart.
When I first started talking to Levi I never expected him to interact with my like he did. I’m almost old enough to be his mom; I’m married with a child of my own. Why would he want to spend time talking to someone like that? But that’s the thing about Levi. He doesn’t care. He sees the good in everyone. It doesn’t matter if you are an adorable 20 year old gay boy or a 36 year old mom. It surprised me for quite a while every time he replied to me. And I tweeted to or about him a lot.
When Levi and Jake Jaxson had their live show on May 3rd I smiled the entire time. I flailed when he smiled at seeing my name. That starts a lot of memories that I have locked away, each of them special in their own way. They may have been little moments to Levi, but to me, they made me smile and helped me take my life back just that much more.
My first phone call with him was a lot more than the 5 minutes I expected. Right away he said I sounded like my twitter. We still talked on twitter mostly after that, occasional phone calls. The day he called just to tell me a movie was on TV still makes me smile!
It’s taken a year for Levi and I to get where we are now. It was a lot of getting to know you, building trust and ups and downs. Levi has no idea the amount of times I cried because I was sure I was just some annoying fangirl he wanted nothing more to do with. The nights I hashed everything out with the few friends I trust with my entire life because my irrational heart kept getting in the way of my rational brain. In the end it finally clicked that he loved me as much as I love him.
See, I fell in love with Levi. Not in the “I want to fuck you” way. I fell in love with this amazing person, who I wanted to protect, to help in any way I could, to help grow into an even better man. I fell in love with Levi the same way I fell in love with my son. I’ll admit quickly that I’m still just as attracted to Levi. But I’m in love with the real him. The one that I get to see away from the cameras and twitter. The man that I call my pon, my che ra’a and my son.
He’s as much a part of my life as my own son. I talk to them both about things that are bothering them, things that make them happy and everything in between. My son asks to Skype with Levi, makes him pictures and we send him emails. Levi talks to my son just like any big brother would. When he visits this summer I am sure the two of them are going to have a lot of fun and get into a lot of trouble!
Right now, that is the hardest part. I want to hug Levi so bad. It’s happening in a month, finally, at the Grabby’s. We have a trip planned for him to come here in July. I know that no matter how much time I have with him in person it will never be enough. But we have late night phone calls, random Skype sessions and twitter so we are never too far apart.
I have a reminder every day when I look at my tattoo how lucky I was to find Levi. He will always be my che ra’a. I wouldn’t change the past year for anything.
For once, I loved being blindsided.